Does This Mean I Don't Trust God?

Is it possible for men to have baby fever? ...asking for a friend.

| Pampers and Pepperoni |

I love kids. I'm not sure if I love them like "I want some of my own"  love them, but I love them kind of how I love pizza. Like pizza, I think they're awesome, but I'm not convinced that it's healthy to have some every day. As cynical as that sounds, it actually shows a huge amount of progress compared to how I was.

Before Christ, all of my decisions revolved around logic and self interest. I hadn't ruled out kids, but I was really struggling with realizing the benefits of a marriage and children. One thing I always knew was that I did not want to have kids outside of wedlock. That meant that I would have to subscribe to the idea of marriage before even thinking about children. At that time of my life, I could not, for the life of me, see how marriage benefited me in any significant way, but that's another writing for another day.

Thinking back, I really haven't had a lot of exposure to babies. I was raised as an only child, and my family dynamics were like that Facebook status... It's complicated (once again, another writing for another day). So, I didn't get to be around a lot of baby cousins and whatnot. None of the guys I hung out with had kids either. One of us had a child a couple of years ago, but the LORD called me to separate from my worldly friends, so I have yet to see that baby in person. All of this is to point out that I never had that direct contact where I could just pick up a baby and play with it at will. (side note: Are we supposed to call babies "it"? I feel some type of way about that.)

Recently, I've been exposed to more children and I think the whole idea of them is precious. A few of the young ladies at my church home have babies and toddlers who I see on a regular basis. I follow a few baby pages on Instagram, mostly because I try to keep my spirit clean and follow wholesome things. All of this has given me a mild case of baby fever. Nothing major, just a few sniffles at most. The realist in me won't let me come down with a full diagnosis. That, and my coworker, who is married with two small children and reminds me all the time of how much he envies my freedom and misses sleep.

I've always been very calculated. I realize that I approach almost every situation from a long term and detailed perspective. On the surface, that may seem really good. It means that I am strategic and forward thinking. However, when I dig beneath the surface, I realize that there are some questions that need to be asked. Is it possible that I'm overthinking (which is something I admittedly struggle with)? Even more important and what we'll be addressing in this blog - Does it allow room for faith? Does this means I don't trust God?

| Train Up A Child |

One of my biggest concerns about having children is the condition of the world. A part of me feels like I don't want to bring a child into this wretched and sinful world. Another part of me questions if that means I don't have faith in God. There's something to be said about wisdom and something to be said about faith. How do we find that balance?

In today's society, you can barely send your kids to public school. There's no telling what type of indoctrination a teacher may perform on your child. There are some great teachers. However, a lot of teachers are there to usher in their own beliefs and agendas. They want to be change agents starting with your child. Your child begins to see these teachers as role models and heroes, while you are at home telling them to make up their bed and finish their homework, like a dictator who doesn't "get" them.

I've seen schools that have literally invited transvestites to come in and talk to children. Some of the states in the U.S. are now mandating that your child learn about LGBT+ history. I don't even want to get started on the amount of teachers that are sleeping with children. It's heartbreaking to see both male and female adults taking advantage of these children.

Child Protective Services (CPS) does not allow you to discipline your child as the Bible commands. I had a coworker tell me that her son's middle school showed the students a video about how they can call CPS on their parents. She said that her son came home and said, "You know, sometimes you guys hit me like this" (They hit him on the hand, from time to time, to discipline him. My coworker is Indian and grew up with spankings and understands the value of discipline.)

All of these are moral issues. I don't even have the space to get into the other ills, such as child trafficking, school shootings, and how technology is consuming people. I'm making the point that as the moral fabric of society continues to decay, it will be harder to raise a child. If you are raising your child as a Christian, you are pretty much raising a soldier at this point. The Bible talks about the end of the age and how lots of people are going to be oblivious. Jesus compared his return to the days of Noah:

Matthew 24:38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, 

This means that people were living without a care in the world. How do I know when we are approaching that point? In that same conversation, Jesus told His disciples woe unto those who give suck (nurturing babies) because they will have to flee with a child during such a turbulent time (Matt. 24:19). In another scripture, Jesus said that those who turn on you will be them of your own household (Matt. 10:36). The easiest way to avoid that is simply not to have a household: problem solved (lol). Maybe I know too much Bible for my own good, but these are things that I consider when thinking of children. 

| Trust Issues |

All that considered, on the flip side, I wonder if there's really just simply a trust issue that I have with God. Sure, our society is rebelling against God and His people daily, but does that mean God is not able to sustain my family in the midst? The three Hebrew boys did not avoid the fiery furnace. They were thrown into it and preserved. I feel like it's hard enough for me to go into the furnace alone, but the idea of having my potential child have to go through something is tough. I had some rage issues in the world and the last thing I want is to end up on the news trying to protect or avenge my child from some nut. Y'all pray for me.

So, help me figure this out. Am I justified in analyzing why I should not want a child or am I just not trusting God to protect and provide for my family. Deep down, I think I know the answer. I know that a lot of my ideas have to do with how I perceive life, which is a stronghold that the LORD has had to work out of me. I know that a lot of what I call "analyzing" is really fear. The responsibility of raising a child, providing for a child, and protecting a child in this society is daunting. However, is that really my job in the first place? Perhaps I'm placing a burden on myself that is really reserved for God.

I don't know if my future includes a wife and children. I don't think much about kids and I've only had one dream where I had baby boy. I know that if I had a child, I would love that child immensely. I'm almost fearful that I would walk a fine line of idolatry. However, I know where all my blessings come from. Ultimately, it's in God's will if I have a child or not. If I ever do get married, I plan on having "due benevolence" with my wife, and it will be God's decision if we have a child or not. I am not a big proponent of birth control and "family planning." I trust God to have His way. At this point, I'm just thinking out loud, but pray for me that my faith would increase if it's the LORD's will for me to have a family. In fact, just pray for my faith period. Be blessed.

Matthew 6:34a: Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.